A young upstart wizard who takes evocation very, very seriously.


Tan’s Backstory
Tan’s Crafted Items
Tan’s Pre-Epilogue
Tan’s Epilogue

(submitted 2014/09/08)

How ya’ doin’? Th’ name’s Tan. Ah’m a wiz’d, but not one a’ them panseh divinahs with them au-g’ries and ‘n-trails, but th’ sorta wiz’d who solves probl’ms, a’ evokah. Ah know som’ elv’n stuffehs who might take oh-fense, and Ah do re-spect their ‘pin-yuns—‘cause ya’ gotta do what comes nat’ral t’ ya’—but Ah ain’t yet seen a probl’m tha’ can’t be solved with a good Fiyaball o’ two.

Now Ah know Ah ain’t th’ most el’quent o’ castahs. Som’ pe’ple—like them Eustace fat cats—like t’ make funna me for tha’. T’ be hon’st, Ah know ’em gramm’r rules well ‘s any. But no man’s got th’ right t’ dic-tate how ‘nothah man’s got t’ speak. ‘F ya’ wanna fit ‘n so bad, go cast tha’ Cult’ral Adaptayshun spell. Pers’nally, Ah’d rathah use tha’ spell slot t’ pr’pare a Magic Miss-sile t’ tell them gramm’r vul-chahs t’ buzz off. Aftah all, they’s th’ pe’ple tha’ said Tan’s a poor choice a colahs, but Ah think ‘s pract’cal, ya’ ‘gree?

Ya’ shou’d know tha’ Ah’m a pretteh straightfo’wa’d kinda guy. Ah ain’t gonna lie or deceiv’ ya’—tha’s for them vendahs and salesm’n. ‘F Ah like ya’, Ah’ll tell you; if Ah don’, Ah’ll tell ya’ tha’—wit’ a Scorchin’ Ray, ‘f Ah hafta. But ‘f ya’ need help fixin’ sum’in’ ‘n’ ya’ ask all nice ‘n’ such, Ah’ll help ya’ out. ‘F fiya don’ cut it, Ah got ice; if tha’ don’ work, how abou’ lightnin’ or acid? Le’me tell ya’, ya’ don’ need no fancy Slow spells to hindah nobodeh ‘f ya’ can zap ‘em with a Lightnin’ Bolt, and who in their right mind’s gon’ use Ray ‘f Exhaus’jun ‘f ya’ got Heatstroke, ya’ know? And hon’stleh, who really pr’pares ‘Den’fy? Tha’s why w’ got scrolls, for cryin’ ou’ loud.

An’ways, Ah’d bettah go. Heard some poor ol’ ladeh in town’s gotta rod’nt problum, ‘n’ them ‘ficials are chargin’ too much t’ get ‘t taken carra. F’gure a few gold for a few Burnin’ Hands oughta do th’ trick. ‘S really notta hassle for me. Sorta fun ‘f w’re gonna be hon’st….


Meier LawrenceMoy